I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
