Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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