we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
