Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
