the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
