The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Dear god my vagina.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
