I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
