You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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