I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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