your parents love me but you hate me
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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