Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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