I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
