Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
