somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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