Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
