you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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