I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
