Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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