He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
