there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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