you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
