My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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