i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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