Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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