she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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