sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
