Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize