i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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