I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
