Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
