Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
