I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He felt like a one man threesome
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Randomize
