just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize