just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
