Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
