I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
