the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
