Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
