She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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