yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize