i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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