Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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