I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
