Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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