I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
