My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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