Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
