Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
