Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
