Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
