I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
