Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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