You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
