Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
