the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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