____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
