In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
