So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's blow job season.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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