there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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