i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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