Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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