At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
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