i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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