So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
