My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
