I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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