Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
