Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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