Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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