tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
