Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
