I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
