In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
