i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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