I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
do nipples grow back?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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