in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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