I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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