If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
