Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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