guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Non-Jews are for practice
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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