she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
