Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
