i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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