we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
BRING THE BAGELS
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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