bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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