my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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