ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you traded sex for a burrito?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
